People pretend that the fear of rejection isn't something that drives most people. Humans seek pleasure and avoid pain. This is very real and pretending it does not exist only hurts you, literally. In this video the author even talks about how the brain relives social pain more intense and vivid than physical pain. Which I agree with. I can't recall the pain of when I broke my leg but I sure as hell can relive an embarrassing moment or rejection and feel it like I'm living it again right then.
Understanding this can lead to using it as a vehicle for change. Avoiding it keeps you stuck in your own hell. And that is why we created our products, to get out of this cycle of pain.
“What I'm saying is is that recent studies show that rejection is more painful than many forms of physical pain, because so this study tells us we're tribal animals and rejection offers such an existential threat to us that it ripples through us and lives in us, echoing, through Our nervous system for years and years did you know that even this is true, and this will blow your mind that people ask to recall an experience of rejection, then invited to take an IQ test will score significantly lower than they regularly do.
You know, I don't know, I'm not a scientist. You know that about me right, but the fact remains that rejection has a powerful impact on people. It shows in a sense, doesn't it the more? We examine the idea of our individual identity, the more we recognize that there are aspects of ourselves that actually live within others. We know, of course, that we require the air that we breathe and the air that we breathe is external and internal to us.
Well, perhaps we live to somewhat in the impressions of others, or at least in our relationship with others, in this interface between ourself and another tribal animals continually requiring support and community. What happens then, when we live in systems and societies that continually pit us against one another? What happens when our values are eroded? What happens when our means for connection continually break down only to be replaced by commodified spaces such as the one you're using right now? Cyberspace has become corporate territory, a place for your data to be harnessed and harvested, so we can be more accurately marketed out.
What are we going to do to overcome this experience of rejection? Well, let me tell you some of the tools that I've been freely given in my life may be useful to you. All of us bear the wounds of our past. All of us bear the injuries of our early lives, whether it's parental or familial, rejection, heartbreak or rejection from friends or a broader sense of not being accepted into a tribe group or community.
We have to the one way we can overcome. It is by acknowledging the problem believing we can overcome the problem asking for help to overcome the problem inventory the specific facets of our pain. For me, I've experienced a lot of rejection in my life of all of the forms that I've just outlined: social rejection, romantic rejection, familial rejection, school work all over the place. What it made me do is question the direction of my life.
It made me question what my values were. You see there's enough people in the world, there's enough tribes and groups for all of us to have a sense of belonging for all of us to have meaningful connections, but often we're not connected to ourselves. So I think that we vibrate on a kind of disingenuous or say like, and we don't chime right, we're not ringing. True we're not connected to who we really are, so we attract cultivate, create relationships with people that are not authentic.
What I'm saying is is that the rejection that you've experienced the pain that you've experienced when reviewed for a spiritual lens is seen as a necessary part of your evolution, not a mistake or some resentment that you Harbor rather a necessary part of your journey to discovering Who you are, and the kind of relationships that you really want to be in, take an obvious example, our heartbreak, when it happens, we feel eviscerated and lost, don't we, but subsequently we learn that within that relationship we were even not being our best selves of treating That other person right or we were having to amend ourselves invisibly, or I pretend to be someone that we weren't, so the rejection can then be regarded as a kind of movement towards truth.
Life is continually about these readjustments about letting go of relationships moving through groups unless you're fortunate enough to be among a community or group. That's growing with you that, with whom you share a purpose, a purpose strong enough to keep you connected. So I believe that the findings of the US Surgeon General saying that rejection is a worse sting than many forms of physical pain is true, but I also believe that pain.
The wound can be pursued to a new freedom. That from your wound can come salvation can come growth. Many of us don't like to sit with rejection and pain. We avoid it. Try and a gate ignore it. Instead of exploring it being open to it, pain and suffering can be, I suppose, like a furnace from which we can forge new selves, clearer purpose. New identity tribe is important, but there can be no external connection without first achieving in a connection.
Many of us have not been correctly role, model not being shown out of being a man or a woman or whatever it is we want to be so. We lack clarity and inner clarity about what it is we're trying to achieve, with carving out of the rock face and identity amidst limitless potential selves, I suppose hmm as always. What I'm telling you is that pain and suffering can be part of our personal cultivation that we will be guided through these experiences to relationships, both friendships and romantic relationships or all forms of relationship that are somehow more true.
More faithful have a better fidelity. If we can only learn not to dwell on a rejection but astern from it not to combine with it not to identify over live of the pain but to recognize that we're the experience of the pain, the witness of the pain, the witness of the rejection. But we can change that we don't need to stay trapped permanently in these circumstances, if they're under fulfilling. Otherwise, this kind of rejection and trauma I reckon of can function as the pivot, from which mad social crises and shoot ups and like cultural vandalism and mayhem can't people that feel that they have no place in society.
No meaningful connection. When you read about those school shootings, you feel all these people were disconnected how many times when something like that happen before you acknowledge. Yes, of course, there you know, gun control issues er, I don't feel qualified to investigate, but necessarily we have to consider that there are epidemic mental health issues that aren't down to the individual, but rather socially induced mental health and issues socially induced mental health issues.
We're living in cultures that cultivate rejection and breakdown in order to create the perfect conditions for consuming continually dissatisfied and unhappy people, but in the margins in the extremes, that model cannot succeed and it creates extreme action. That's my theory.”
